so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
