you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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