Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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