If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
