Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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