Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My cat gives me a boner
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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