I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
