Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
