I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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