my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
