covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
