woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
