Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
