Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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