Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fill condoms, not promises.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
