these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
