we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
