i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're like the curious george of whores
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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