$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
