you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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