shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
