Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
