you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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