Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
