She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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