I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
