we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
