I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
