Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
