she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
