the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
