with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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