So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
