lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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