it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
