How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
