Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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