me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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