I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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