I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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