Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
