either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
