my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
