She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
tequila makes me forget i have legs
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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