Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
