Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
