I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
