So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
