It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
