I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
